Westport.

Brookside.

The Crossroads.

The West Bottoms.

The Power and Light District.

Here’s a little game for you. Which one of those above doesn’t belong?

Here’s a hint, four of them are current sections of Kansas City. And one of them is a bullshit, overhyped outdoor mall named after our FUCKING ELECTRIC COMPANY.

What has the local government decided to piss away its money on now? Well, after, you know, spending millions for a stupid downtown stadium (which will, more than likely, fail miserably), in lieu of renovating our existing 2 stadiums, which are in pretty shocking disrepair, and not to mention fixing things a little more crucial to current residents like streets and sewers, I didn’t think the city could be much more wasteful. A note to the city government: I’d like to be able to drive down Southwest Trafficway (from the I-35 S exit to about 31st) without feeling like my car was going to shake itself into tiny pieces. Perhaps that’s too much to ask.

But apparently we needed another high-class shopping area to attract yuppies. I guess the Plaza, Zona Rosa, and Village West/Legends were just not enough. I really don’t see why these places attract so many people. I mean, the Plaza is cool enough, but I honestly can’t walk through Zona Rosa without getting completely infuriated. I mean, I was driving through there the other day, and there was a car literally stopped IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD while the occupants of the car talked to someone on the side of the road. Granted, downtown yuppies at least have some class and sense of culture. Northland yuppies are just the most horribly superficial, vile, wretched people on the face of the Earth. You know the type, with the pastel polo shirts and hiked-up khakis, sunglasses permanently resting at the top of their heads, driving around in their Cadillacs and Lexii, hauling their stupid fucking spoiled children, always named something completely stupid, like Hunter or Bryce or Cadence (here’s a hint: if a name might be an existing English word, you might want to look up its meaning before you name your child that (people with daughters named Heather, I’m looking at you too)), fucking culturally retarded socialites with no knowledge of the world that doesn’t directly conflict with something their little confined existential bubbles.

I’m afraid that this new district will attract these horrible people downtown. It’s bad enough in the Plaza. Do we really need another shopping area pulling these folks downtown?

Well, let’s at least take a look at what $835 million will buy…

Judging by the Cordish Company concept art, $835 million is roughly enough to buy a large stick of deodorant, lots of white people on cell phones, bright lights, and a bunch of strangely colored buildings. The designs also include a stage, which I’m sure will be resigned to showcasing bad jazz bands and other easy-listening fluff, and, I think, the renovation of the Midland into an AMC theater (I could be wrong on this, but I’m pretty sure this is the case). I’m not really going to comment on that, because I know just how corrupt and greedy AMC is, and whoring out a local landmark is totally within their loose codes of “ethics,” the word being used very lightly here.

I’ve about run out of things to say, but let me close with this statement here. The site claims that the new district will attract people from roughly FOUR HOURS AWAY, making the district a home for EIGHT MILLION yuppies from a six-state area.

This could very well mean the end for the cultural diversity of downtown Kansas City.

This is KC in a year