I visited Truman State on Friday, which is where I plan to go to college. I’m sick and fucking tired of all of this college shit I’ve been put through lately. When I was younger, I had dreams of going to Stanford or MIT or something like that, maybe NYU (for a film degree), but then I realized they cost ridiculous amounts of money. I found Truman mostly out of the blue, heard it was a great school for the price, and pretty much set my heart on it. Honestly, I don’t even care what college I go to anymore. I’m just doing it so I can get a decent job later in life, though I’m more concerned about doing what I love. I’d be content if the rest of my life was like high school: still living in KC, working a dead-end job, hanging out with friends a few times a week, and not really having too many worries.  College isn’t as necessary as everyone thinks it is, though my parents would be rather disappointed if I didn’t attend. Honestly, I’m not sure I would go to college if not expected to do so.  For a long time, I was pretty much focused on getting a degree in Computer Science. It’s something I love, and there are lot of jobs available for it right now. However, my passion for computer-related things has dwindled as of late, and I really had to reconsider my future. I recently decided to switch my major to English. It’s kind of a cop-out major, but the English language is something that fascinates me, and, due to a special English teacher I had last year, I’ve been inspired to be a teacher. It was something I had previously considered, just because I thought it would be cool to run a class my way, and teach the way I wish all of the teachers I’ve had would have taught.

That brings me to the whole “career” thing. I’ve wanted to be many things throughout my life: an astronaut, pilot, chef, video game designer, and more recently film director/screewriter, photographer, audio engineer, etc. I’ve since realized that it doesn’t matter what I do for a living. I can do the things I love outside of work. It honestly doesn’t matter if I have a boring job that I don’t like. I mean, I’d prefer to have a job a love, but if I don’t, so what? I can still do filmmaking, writing, photography, and other things I love to do outside of work, and just completely separate myself into 2 different lives.  So, I don’t really know what I want do with my life. And I think that’s okay.

All tangents aside, the visit was quite nice. I got a campus tour from Ashley Rufus, AKA the “I Chose Truman Over Harvard” girl, which was pretty cool. Wondering around the campus, I realized how content campus life is going to be. Truman’s a small school, and I noticed that there wasn’t a whole lot going on on campus, mostly since it was colder than all balls outside. I really liked the fact that if I didn’t really have any classes to go to, or a lot of time in between, I could just kind of roam around, or lay around in my dorm room, or whatever, unlike the prison-esque experience of high school. Life at Truman does seem very contained though. There’s not much to do in Kirksville, obviously. They have some pretty good “college town” restaurants and the like, and a pretty decent movie theater, but not much else, so most of the activities take place on campus. I saw a poster for Jim Gaffigan, who is coming on Feb. 2. They had some other ones for “The Prestige,” which was showing that weekend at the campus movie theater. The campus itself seemed like its own little town, mostly self-contained. I’m not sure how much I’ll like that, but often I think I spoil myself in Kansas City. There’s quite a bit to do around here, and a lot of times no creativity has to go into hanging out. I think that I’ll find myself doing things I’ve never thought of doing, and probably wasting a lot of time driving around on the backroads, getting lost and getting found. I’ll probably have friends visit, and come home to visit a lot, and go to visit Columbia, where a lot of other friends will be going.

The whole money thing is freaking me out a lot though. My mom recently had overtime cut from her job, meaning she gets only a fraction of the paycheck she used to bring home. The household has entered “skrimp-mode,” with my dad yelling at me every day to start selling my stuff on eBay or Craigslist (why did I tell him either of those exist?) to earn extra money for college. Everything is about college money. Someone from work called a couple of weeks ago asking me to work. I’d planned to hang out with some of my friends, so I said I already have plans. Per the norm, my dad was listening on the phone and asked me why I didn’t take the shift. I told him I had plans, and he whipped back with this little gem, in total seriousness, “Well, you planned to go to college too, didn’t you?”

WHAT THE FUCK.

I can’t even talk to the man anymore without him belittling me about not filling out these scholarship forms he gave me, (for which I’m not even eligiable) studying for the retake of the ACT, or whatever other thing he’s told me to do. I wish I could make him realize that this stuff doesn’t matter, and if that I’m going to have to pay for the majority of my education myself, I’d rather not go at all. I kind of wonder what he’d say to that. Note to self: try it sometime during one of the nearly-daily arguments we have.

Anyway, I’m kind of tired of writing about something that doesn’t really matter that much. I’m going to make the best of it, and try to come out of it all alive.